Illini literally fall to Fresno State on field turf made entirely from food compost

Warning the following is a sad attempt at humor, my natural coping mechanism to this sort of thing

And you thought playing with a brick wall was dangerous.

While Boise might be known for its famous "smurf turf" where opposing teams must deal with the arduous task of differentiating colors on against a blue field surface, Fresno State has developed its own particular home field advantage, creating a field turf composed entirely of discarded vegetable rinds and bacon grease.

"Not everyone can run on our special blend of turf" said Fresno State coach Pat Hill "it takes a special type of preparation to know that you can cut in areas that are thick with celery stalks, but not areas laden with potato skins and  rosemary stems"

The home turf advantage has proved quite useful for the Bulldogs, especially in their recent win over the Illini, where Illini defensive backs and linebackers were often upended by a comically placed banana peel or pile of corn husks, resulting in wide open bulldogs, and the above massive tendon tear.

"We teach our players to run straight forward, and not try to change direction to rapidly, because of the inconsistency of friction that pea pods and okra stems develop when damp." Said Fresno State athletic director Thomas Boeh. "But we have been looking to go green for some time now, and I can't think of a better way to use our compostable food waste than to create a football surface out of it?"

Ian Thomas could not be reached for comment, as he was writhing in pain.