Hey its the off season and all that, where I am going to have to stretch further and further to try and make practices that I can't attend seem interesting (I'll find a way I'm sure). So I figure I can afford venture off of the normal format of opining for the return of organized intercollegiate athletic sporting events and instead focus on the ever expanding glut of University sanctioned merchandise. No, I'm not talking about basketball jerseys or footballs or even Illini themed golf club head covers, I am talking about the kind of branding and merchandising that makes one ask exactly why anyone would want to proclaim their Illinois loyalty with that.

Apparently there is a market for all of this, for lack of a better word, crap. I can personally attest to it. No one was happier than my parents when I told them I was going to the U of I, not because of what it meant for my education, but because they finally had a cop-out for what to tell my relatives to get me for Christmas, anything, and I mean anything emblazoned with the Illini logo on it. Socks, winter gloves, blanket, folding chair, and even a University of Illinois toothbrush.  When added together with the market of aging businessmen who have long ago lost their concept for tactful for support of the basketball team you get a market that thrives on creating slightly more expensive versions of things you already had, but feature an Illini logo.

So, with that needlessly  lengthy intro out of the way I present to you the first in my infinite part series on crap the University has branded with its logo that you might be surprised to know existed.

1. The Fighting Illini Qausicade System

via ecx.images-amazon.com

Yes, it is an Illini arcade cabinet, and no it does not have golden axe (CURSES!!!)

For the mere price of 2 Grand. you too can plug your Xbox, PS2 or GC into this this ghost from gaming past and simulate flushing much smaller amounts of money on cheap video game thrills. Rather than several thousand dollars for the same effect. If you can explain what any of this has to do with Illinois, or any college anywhere I would love to know, but I am sure the school doesn't really the same amount of justification that I do before stamping their name on anything that I do.

2. Fighting Illini Buffalo Wing Sauce.

via ecx.images-amazon.com

Sure, you've been to Champaign lots of times and know for damned sure that Buffalo Wild Wings is the only restaurant with decent wings in this town, and it didn't serve bottles of this. And sure the company Hot Sauce Harry's  offers the exact same product with Iowa Hawkeyes and South Carolina Gamecocks branding.(Along with by the way something called  Indiana Hoosiers "Picante Salsa" because nobody knows southwestern cuisine like Indiana) But now no one can argue that your love for your Alma Mater doesn't extend all the way to your condiments.  A love that isn't even deterred by cost of 10 dollars for wing sauce. MMMM tastes like profit.

#3 This

via product.images.dreamsretail.com

Nothing says I love Illinois Illini football players quite like waking up every morning and repeatedly... uh well, I think its best left unsaid.